아내 치매 돌봄 기록 손주: Randy Hansen Dementia Care

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Randy Hansen Dementia Care Tips & Resources

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2025.08.01

Good Morning Everyone please excuses me but I have to Rant just a bit, I've been my wife's caretaker now for about 5 years and it is the hardest thing mentally I have ever delt with. Sometimes I wonder how long I can keep doing this.

To see the things she is doing now day's is so frustrating. She isn't eating or drinking hardly anything anymore. She is a very beautiful woman and to watch her dress herself is an absolute joke....I feel so sorry for her...she will not let me help her. She will wear 5 pairs of underwear at the same time, she will put spandex pants on then Levi shorts over the top of them. Two different shoes on. It's really not a problem except for when somone comes over or we need to go somewhere. Then I have to fight with her to get her looking some what normal. It's so hard to talk to her anymore because she doesn't comprehend any thing. I have to repeat myself 3 to 5 times so she will understand and she still struggles.

We drew up a will and both of us said to each other that we wouldn't put the other in a care center, and that we would take care of each other. We'll we have been married for 30 years and I'm to the point of doing the care center now. Im totally exhausted now days. I do have help once in a while from our boys and their wife's and a neice sometimes.

It's a battle all the time to get her in the bath tub, brush her teeth, and find something that she will eat, and when I do she takes 2 bites and throws it away.

She has been watching a show on Netflix for 5 years everyday and loves it. Even tho she has seen every episode atleat 10 times...sad to Say as of today Netflix is taking it off....

hopefully I can find something else she will enjoy as much. The Show is called Heartland. I want to thank all of you that are on this page it has been very helpful at times knowing that I'm not alone dealing with this horrible disease. Everyone hang in there and I will try to do the same...God bless you all and your loved one going through this time of their life.

Joan Johnson

When you drew up your will, you had no knowledge about dementia, I guess. It’s time to realize that you have done a tremendous job, but that it’s time to start searching for a good carehome (they exist).

Your darling wife will n o t benefit from you running yourself into the ground, collapsing from a myocardial infarction or something else. She needs professional caregivers, so you can devote your energy into visiting her, and also have a life where you’re not ”on call” 24/7 most days. Most people feel extremely guilty about having to think about and take this step (I’ve seen hundreds of patients and their loved ones), but I’m trying my best to convey that there is absolutely no shame, it’s rather a necessity many times, in the later stages, to think about letting your ill, loved one move to a carehome.

Sue Reynolds

Don't feel guilty if your giving her a quality of life that's better than home,she will be cared for,and you can rest

It's not always about what's best for the person whose ill, sometimes it's about the carer who loves them so much,but also needs their life back

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Susan Taipari

Can I make a suggestion Randy?

With my Dad I removed most of his clothes and left out a range of clothes that went together. (Jeans, tee shirts and flannel shirts. I put his suits and other things in a wardrobe in the spare bedroom. Maybe your son’s wives could pack up some of her clothes next time you and your wife are out.

This journey is so hard. I wish you all the best and hang in there.

Angie Orcutt Hemberger

When my mom went to a memory care home, I remember a staff saying to us “ now you can be her daughters and sons again”. Now when we visit her we don’t have anything to do accept being her kids , and giving her the attention she deserves. It was hard, but was the right choice for us. I admire what you have been doing, and the picture shows your love. God bless you and your wife!

Laura Rumsby

It only gets worse. Things go missing check the garbage cans daily. They see things like watches, jewellery, binoculars, mail, check books, dogs leash etc. and don’t know where to put it so the garbage seems like a good place to them. Once they don’t know about personal hygiene it gets much harder. If their depends/diaper is no longer on them look for it as it will be soiled and hidden, it could be in with the pots and pans, the cereal box, the fridge etc. it’s the one thing they don’t put in the garbage. This is the most horrible disease and sorry to say, but the care giver loses their life too and the longer you care at home you are losing time off your life. Do some research, this is documented, talk to your family now on how u want to be cared for because you will need help in your future. Plan your future now as well. Go to homes and take her with you if she is able to go. You must prepare now, don’t delay, find the place you would go. I’ve lost my mother now my dad and my sister. My daughter and son are worried about me getting it in the future as my other sister is showing signs of it as well. It’s exhausting, I helped my dad after mom went to a home and then passed away. he didn’t want to sell stuff or down size and finally when he did move he had no idea how much they actually had. We just cleaned out dads home and my sisters 2 b/rm condo and found out she was a hoarder it’s exhausting. You must plan now. I repeat, now, as it only gets harder. I’m sorry to be harsh, but it’s the truth. My other sister refuses to help, we lost my mom, then my husbands parents now my dad and sister have it and it’s been very hard. Take care of yourself and down size now. I wish you strength and good health and hope you can stay strong and live on. And if they need hearing aids make sure they get used to them as once they have dementia they lose them, don’t like them, throw them away. They are expensive get the insurance that if u lose them you get one replacement. We are on the 3rd set after the replacement aids. Thank goodness we had that clause. Now dad hates wearing them and it’s hard always talking so loud and repeating everything multiple times. Your love for your wife is amazing and I admire that but you also have to care for yourself. Exercise and eat a good diet, less sugar, red meat, processed foods, deep fried foods and of course less or no alcohol and if you smoke try to quit. I’m reading that dementia is type 3 diabetes, diet is a major factor along with toxins in the home, car, laundry soaps, deodorants, scented sprays, mold etc the list goes on and on.

Julie Balmer

I just wanted to tell you….i teared up Reading your post. I wish I had a man like you for a day! You have more than fulfilled your vows to your wife. God bless you

Annie Free

That's a beautiful photo.

My husband watches the same programs everyday.

He has no idea when he is watching a repeat. Sometimes for the third or fourth time.

Perfectly understand your feelings about her going into care but do whatever you need to do. You will be no good to her when you break down.

Stress for too long can have really bad physically effects on the body, take care.

Marilyn Crew

You have to do what is right for you. Being a caregiver is the hardest thing. There comes a time when putting your love one in a nursing home is right. You can visit. Take her favorite sweets , decorate her room for the holidays. I had to put my mom in a nursing home. I was went and saw her. They had a lot of activities. We would have my mom over for the holiday dinners. I am now a caregiver for my husband. He has mild dementia. His health is bad. He does not drive anymore . He is angry a lot . He has hearing aids . Does not like to wear them. I have to explain things 3 or more times. It’s hard . Bless you for handling her and everything you do.

Anita Maria Ireland

You have to take care of yourself too...and if that means you need to have her cared for outside the home, then do that. In the meantime can you lay her clothes out and tell her she got them sorted yesterday? Small whites are ok.

Pat Goldschmidt

I’m sorry you are going through this. I worked in assisted living and nursing homes almost 40 years. You will do harm to your health, or worse, if you continue as you are. No one will take as good care of your wife as you do. But for your sake (and hers too) you need to seriously consider finding a memory care unit for her. As the one gentleman said, they had no idea what they were promising each other. Unfortunately it will only get harder. Stay strong. You can do this.

Gary Jesch

Dude I’m hearing you and going through something with many similarities. So difficult and challenging. Try to stay focused on the present moment. Worrying about what will happen in the future only makes it harder. Do things for her because you love her, as if that was the only reason. She’ll make you sad, and she doesn’t mean to. Hang in there and see what happens.

Heather Payer

Heartland is on the Up Faith and Family app. It's not too expensive. That's a great show! Good luck to you. You do what you have to for your mental and physical health.

Suzi Lily Khan

It’s the hardest job caring for someone with this cruel disease. Despite you both saying you’d not do the care home thing I think you need to for the sake of your own health and well-being. I’ve done 7 years of caring for my Mum and now MIL with narcissistic abuse on top from my Mum’s husband and I’m done. My Beautiful Mum passed away in May 2024 and MIL is going into a home next week. I’m exhausted and way behind my limit. Please look after yourself and know we’re all here to support you

Holly Kelly

It's hard to make that final decision to place lo into care.it broke my heart to see dad go into care but I had to be realistic although I have 5 brothers they didn't want to help keep dad at home and I couldn't do it on my own.i have learned how tough love has to come into play and due to dad not being safe to be left at night time and my deteriorating health there was no other option. I'm sure he wouldn't want me suffering physically and mentally in order to care for him.i am now his daughter again going seeing him having quality time with him.i still care for him and keep a close eye on him but he and I are adjusting to living in a different way.

All I would say is don't lose yourself along this journey and sometimes the hard decisions become the best decisions for both you and your loved one.sending love and light x

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Elizabeth Bryce Scobie

I work in a care home, have done now for 8 weeks,I support people with dementia, I love the residents, I give reassurance, cuddles and have a big heart, you need a bit of break, you can’t go on like this, all promises and concerns from the earlier years can be tweaked, concider some respite please, god bless your commitment

Pamela Houghten

Randy, if you were to exchange places. If you were the one with dementia and your wife were caring for you. If she was exhausted, burned out, fighting to get you bathed, dressed, fed, would you want her to see you through to the end? Or would you want her to find a care facility, where you could visit without the fighting or the struggle.

Only you can answer this question. My LO and I agreed that we would place the other in a care facility, if the road became too hard. It’s still an incredibly hard decision. Perhaps if you visited a few care facilities and saw what type of care she would be receiving, it might help you with your decision. Prayers that you may have the strength to explore this option and make the decision that is right for you.

Debbie Schubert

Google where to watch heartland, maybe it’s on another venue for her.

Kay-Lee Edgar

The promises we make at a time when we have no clue as to what that actually means in real life are so hard to go back on Randy but the hard truth is … there is no way we could possibly comprehend what was coming. Ask yourself honestly … if you both knew what you know now would you have made a different decision about the future? Would you or your wife have willingly made the same decision? I’m thinking no. If your beautiful wife could have foreseen where you are now, would she want you to have to suffer through this? Again, I’m thinking no.

I promised both my parents I would keep them in their own home for their last years. Lost my beautiful vibrant Mum (90) in January to Alzheimer’s, leaving my Dad (also 90) still the perfect gentleman, 6 years into Vascular Dementia. I have kept my promise but it’s killing me, day by day, so slowly, in more ways than one.

Do right by your wife but by yourself too. Find a good place for her where she will get the care and comfort she deserves and be free to visit as her loving husband as opposed to exhausted carer. Ask yourself honestly if the roles were reversed would you say OK, we got that wrong because we didn’t know how hard it would be?

Kimberly Casagrande

You are an excellent husband who is committed. You have been doing a great job and it is difficult to care with someone having dementia/Alzheimer’s disease. A suggestion regarding her wardrobe, place three outfits in her drawers, pants, shirts etc and hide or pack away all others that are not appropriate for her to wear. Prep small meals in containers a head of time such as scrabbled eggs, lunch meat, cut up cheese, veggies and fruit that she may want to snack on or microwaveable easy meals, bagel pizzas, egg rolls, chicken strips for instance. Finger foods are most easy.

Play music she may enjoy and try to make showering fun with ducks or bath sponges, a nice scent she may like. Shower and brush your teeth together perhaps. I’m sure you’ve tried a variety of tactics.

Take care of yourself and plan time for you to relax. Praying for you and your family.

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PhilMillie Grams

By the way: You can get Heartland on YouTube. One of my husband’s favorite!

Cal Leigh

The night before leave out two outfits that can be interchanged and still match. She still gets to choose what to where but it's one less thing for you to deal with.

Maryann McCorry

It’s so devastating to LO and you her caregiver. Feeling sad for you and myself as I care for my husband. Not easy. It sounds like you need a break.

Tom Bull

Brother, when I was reading your post, I felt like I could have written it myself. I’m experiencing the same issues and more. At least my wife’s favorite show is “Friends” and it’s still pretty easy to find reruns. It’s been 8 years into an Alzheimer’s diagnosis and it’s beating me down as well. My feelings of loneliness and depression have become a reality. Married as high school sweethearts, our wedding anniversary came and went yesterday, the 29th. It was bittersweet to say the least as she’s only a shadow of the person I married 47 years ago and I really miss her. I know your journey is a very difficult one, so my thoughts and prayers are with you.

Karen Ivins

You must remember that when you both made that promise, neither of you knew how difficult this would be . I am sure , if your wife was aware of how difficult it would be she would want you to do whats best for you . You shouldn’t feel guilty about breaking that promise. Care home have come a long way. They have days out and entertainment , craft days etc etc . It could be the best thing you do for her . You have done a fantastic job , make sure you remind yourself of thst

Maureen Hurd

My heart goes out to you lots of hugs and prayers this disease is evil. You are amazing and don’t you forget it. Think of yourself also it is hard to do alone.

Viv Hamlin

When Calls the Heart is another Canadian Netflix series she might like. Hope it's still on

Deanne Buck

It only gets worse. My dad couldn't dress himself for a long time at home . Then he couldn't understand the word "sit " anymore . So toileting went and i had faeces on my hands from him with it on his. Then he forgot how to swallow properly and walk and hold his body upright. Then he passed .. it's a gruelling disease. That needs love and patience. Sometimes a home is necessary. Promises were made before dementia stole her from u

Peggy Connor

I could deal with her wearing 5 pairs of panties versus her wanting to get naked like I’ve seen happen to a loved one. Best of luck.

Nev Mepsted

It is so stressful and exhausting I care for my sister my two brothers don't want to know we live together and own the house and my brother's a quarter ownership .I work and watch her via cameras around the house I have no help all the things I have read are all so familiar I dont know how long I can do it I don't go out other than work I feel a bit trapped and so lonely I'm worried if she goes into care home the council will make me sell home to pay for care and make me homeless so 8 struggle on but I'm lower than low .I don't care of myself cuz once I've sorted her I'm so mentally stained I can't be bothered to sort me it so hard . My simpathy for anyone going through caring for someone with this terrible condition

Donna Bruffy

Maybe look into seeing if a caretaker can come in 3-5 days a week for a 3-4 hours and see how you feel after that.

Gail Maguire

What a lovely photo of you both. It's such a cruel disease and it is 24/7 on you the main carer. Try to get some downtime for yourself, even if it means your wife maybe going to a day care centre, if thats an option. Your wife is v lucky to have you. Reach out for help when possible, as taking care of your own health is v impt too. Although easier said than done.

Mary Green

I took many things out of my husbands closet so he only has certain things to wear. He will only wear hospital socks now. He often wears pajama pants everywhere we go but I no longer care. If He is happy with it I am too. He’s so grumpy most of the time and is so mean to me most almost every day. He says the most horrible, despicable things now. I feel like he wants to rip my soul from my body. He was only diagnosed with dementia one year ago. What I have been through in that one year has been devastating. I want to keep him home with me for as long as he lives but my health and mental state can only take so much. I hope I can hold out as long as you have. I am always thinking what’s best for us both.

You have done what you can for a very long time. I hope you have support from family and friends if you decide she will be better off living somewhere else. Please don’t feel guilty. We all know what it’s like and what you’re going thru. I wish you the best in your dementia journey.

Jane Wilkinson

My heart aches for you. With a very heavy heart we put mum into a care home 2 weeks ago. I live with my parents for half the week but my Dad understandably was unable to cope when I was not there. Mum 92 Alzheimer’s, Dad 97. I know it was the right decision for mum but I admire anyone that can care for their LO at home until they are at peace. I expect to be criticised but we all must make personal decisions that are right for each set of circumstances.

CRystal Watson E

My mom loves virgin river and Sullivan crossing. Try those.

She has watched virgin river so many times I have to keep myself from getting frustrated thinking about how she needs something new to stimulate her more.

Hang in there and she is blessed to have you !

Anonymous member 951

Heartbreak doesn't even begin to describe what you must be feeling. I know your pain. Maybe and I hope

that each of us can help one another. Showers and change of clothes gets to be a battle I try to grin and bear it myself. I know it will get worse. I saw my

Mom go through it with

My dad.Sadly he did not last long at all.The time will come when you need professional

help. Please do NOT feel guilty.Its for your

health also.

Ellen Harper Derflinger

I know it is difficult. Many of the things you talked about I deal with every day taking care of my husband. I know he would do the same for me! While typing this response he asked me, “ where do you live?” That’s so difficult when you are caring for him 24-7. Having this site to learn you are not alone is very helpful. Some days really try my patience and I’m thankful I taught Kindergarten. That took patience for sure

Celeste Le Roux

It's hard. About the clothing: my mom used to do the same thing

Suggestion: only put 1 set of clothing in her cupboard and keep the rest somewhere else.

Glenda Price-Carter

Praying for you both. It’s so hard to watch family members go through this. Take care of yourself.

Mike Morrison

So sorry to hear everything that is impacting your wife and you and your family . I am part way down the same path with my wife. It’s just so horrid for all concerned

Kimberley Moss

It's awful and so difficult...heart wrenching. We lose our own identities because we are absorbed in their well being , neglecting our own needs . I wish I had the answers

PhilMillie Grams

Your story sounds almost identical to mine! My husband isn’t to the point where your wife is, but anger issues is what I deal with.; which, I’m not used to.

You wife is gorgeous. I’m so sorry she’s in the shape she’s in.

The grief is sometimes overwhelming! As long as it doesn’t harm her in any way, let her do what she wants, as long as it doesn’t harm anyone.

To us, it’s strange,but, it’s part of the things people do.

I told family and friends,”I’ve wanted to run away more now (she 78), then I did as a teenager, when I thought home life was so bad!

Physically and emotionally I’ve suffered as the majority of us have, in maybe in different ways.

I cared for my first husband as he was dying at age 49; I thought that was the most difficult thing I could ever do! I was WRONG! THIS is! The mental problems he has. The “out of nowhere” cruel comments is a heart crusher! This is the hardest. We’re into our 6th year. Married almost 32 years.

My suggestion to you, as well, as question: Have you considered Hospice? They are amazing, here in MO. I had them for one year for my husband. They were very supportive of not only him, but, cared about me, too. I highly recommend them. They come out to and access to see if she qualifies(which if she has another underlying condition (ie: heart, kidney, etc) she would qualify. It’s free through Medicare, if she’s old enough to receive Medicare. She doesn’t look like it. Very beautiful.

I’m so grateful for groups like this. It’s a great support!

I wish you the best.

You can only handle what you csn handle. We all are different. Theres no shame in saying,”I’m at the end of my rope;” “I can’t do this anymore.”

May God give each of our the strength and energy, AND, the wisdom to know when it’s time!

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Mary Horn

Respite care check into it in your state or sometimes the churches have it to its a little bit of help and free or low cost. Prayers for her and you and your family. Your a good husband God bless you

Missy Harden

Randy, your well being is essential for her best care. Please consider more support to assist with her care.

Denece Coy Newman

You can find the Heartland series on CBC Gem...mentioned by member Lisa McAlpine

Stefka Koleva

I am in your shoes and not sure how long i can continue. I am exhausted physically and mentally.Trying to work for the bills as no help from the gov. Totally on the edge

Joanne Love

100% understand how you feel, your doing amazing

Susan Ruiz Branigan

“We…said to each other that we wouldn’t put the other in a care center…”

“…I’m to the point of doing the care center now…”

Don’t feel guilty. Don’t beat yourself up. When you both made your promise to each other, you couldn’t see into reality and the future. Unless you’ve been through this, you don’t realize that the physical and emotional stress can become impossible and unbearable for any one person to deal with. Sole caregivers take the place of a multi-member staff in hospitals and care centers. It can’t last forever.

If you’ve arrived at the “care center”, you know you’ve reached your human limit. You know in your heart that you’ve done your best. Now, place her and be her advocate and regular visitor, and kindness and patience itself. Sounds like you’ve been doing it for a while now so bless you.

Andy Sharp

Mate I feel for you. My LO is mum, not my partner so its a little removed. Best of luck to you mate. Its horrible and tough. All the best.

Princess Frago

You're not alone in this journey

God is with u and if u and i know what u are going through my mom has dementia too but we can’t argue with them or frustrate them we need to remember there brain

isn’t functioning properly. They can’t help themselves in all this and sadly they are declining . Praying for your strength and inner peace blessings to u . I sent u some prayers in your messenger.

Pam Greer Hernandez

God bless and prayers

Sylvia Goldau Lydick

Are you able to get an in-home care provider to assist? There are different things in which they can assist depending on needs- bathing, dressing, meal prep, medications, etc. It may be covered by Medicaid. Her primary care doctor could put in a referral (depending on where you live).

Christine A. Risi

You need to take care of yourself. Sadly you really need to pursue a placement for her. Regarding her clothing situation as a caregiver in a retirement home these are my suggestions. Only leave out 1 choice of clothing and shoes. Minimize what’s available. It may mean putting her extra clothing and shoes in a secure place eg. in a room with a lock that she doesn’t go in. Then have a set available for the next day. This will save you some aggravation. As Heartland is a Canadian show perhaps there are some Canadian streaming channels to access the series. CBC Gem is a possibility. Are there any Dementia support groups to assist you. Also consider hiring a companion for a few hours so you can get out by yourself. Your wife is beautiful and you are amazing to be caring for her this long. God bless you both

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Jane Daisley

I am so sorry you are going this mostly on your own! My husband is 69 and I've just turned 60, he was diagnosed with mixed dementia, Alziemers and vascular dementia last year, I look after him myself, it is the hardest thing I've ever done by far!!!! I feel I've lost my identity,my friends, my job in nursing, everything!! You've done an amazing job for 5 years, its time for you now!! Wishing you all the best. Xx

Suzen Crooks-Jones

Protein shakes and high protein yogurt are a good source of getting something quality in her to eat small frequent feedings like a toddler here. Let’s try this and give her a handful of strawberries. I’m eating some. You’re eating some.

Suzen Crooks-Jones

I am so sorry. Please get involved in some caregiver groups. They can often offer respite care through your insurance company. Flip your card over. See what you qualify for. Can you mainly remove all clothing and just leave her a couple things in a drawer or just bring her out an outfit a day and say this is what we’re wearing!

Diane Rhoton

She is a beautiful woman, it’s so hard. So many of us are going thru everything you are !

Lynne Yeates

You've got this, always a new day tomorrow

Patricia Briggs

Some memory care places have respite care so you could have her stay a month or less and get a break. Expensive but may be worth it. It’s too hard for one person. If your rolls were reversed I think your wife would be even less able to care for you. My husband is 6’3 and 250 lbs. I had to place him after my joints and health could no longer care for him. You are not alone. Take care of yourself.

Karen Gray Clark

If you need to go down the care route then make some enquiries and gauge how you feel as you go along. You can’t pour from an empty cup and if it’s going to shatter 2 lives then you’re well within reason to save yourself. It’s very hard. You need time out for yourself. Best wishes

Patricia Pickens Nolan

She want really know if you have to put her in a care center. Just visit her often. Talk to her about going into a place that can help her better than you can. Explain how you want the best for her. See how she responds to that. May help you make a decision. I know being a man it’s harder to take care of a loved one.

Suzann Anderson

As someone who has a lot of experience with nursing facilities I'm going to tell you the staff there aren't going to care if she has 5 pairs of panties on, refused to brush her teeth, or not eaten. There are too many for one attendant to care for . In the whole scheme of things does it really matter if she doesn't brush her teeth one day? Check out to see if she meets eligibility criteria for Hospice. They can give you an aide 1 hr per day

Lori Schmidt

Admin

Oh Randy, I am so sorry that you’ve lost the wife she was. You are amazing for sticking by her side. Don’t feel guilty if you need to put her in a facility because that is still taking care of her!!! and it also taking care of yourself. Hugs to you

Jan Binkley

Feel your pain. Hang in there.

Deb Kent

When my daughter was young she would want to dress herself and it would not be appropriate. I’d give her two or three options. Maybe try that when it’s important. She still felt it was her choice and the fight disappeared.

Paul Shindler

Stay strong

Anonymous member 511

I’ve been taking care of my wife for 21 years. She now has dementia. Probably from the drugs for pain all those years. We made the same promise to each other. No long term care facility. We had a talk when she was clear mentally. She understands that when that promise was made that we didn’t have a clue what we were talking about. So I told her I will keep her home until it becomes impossible for me to do it anymore. She knows I will come there everyday I possibly can. She also knows when I make a commitment. I always follow through. I also sat my girls down and told them I will make that decision. I don’t want them to have any quilt. I will have enough for all of us. I also told them when and if the time comes for me to need that kind of care. I want to go. I’m very social and will be fine. Which is true. You are a good man. You are doing all you can. It sounds like it’s come to the point you need to make that move. It’s ok for you to do it. It’s not going to be easy for you. Remember if you start getting ill from the stress you are no good to her. It’s not like you are abandoning her.

Alexandra Patricia

A suggestion when it comes to the clothing, I would put her clothing away where she cannot get to it and I would leave one outfit each day in it’s normal place for her to dress in. That would take away from her putting on layered clothing and not matching, but it still gives her the option of taking her clothes out of the drawer or the closet and having too many shoes to choose from.

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Sharon Maitland

Maybe look into getting caregiving help. Depending on where you are they maybe options. Also limit the clothes she has access to,say they are at the cleaners or something. Just trying to help. Hang in there

Cindy A. Payne

You are a trouper! I believe that when we all are young and healthy it’s easy to say we will look after each other. As we get older and not necessarily just with dementia we realize caring comes in different forms. The first is to take care of ourselves so that we are healthy enough to make the decisions most suitable for our LO. Safety for them being top of the list. And mentally and physically for you. Please don’t think you are doing anything wrong if you need to put your LO into care. It’s not abandonment, you will still care for them just not 24/7

Lesley Davidson

Patti Garrett Hatch

Also Heartland is on other streaming services still. I believe it’s still available on Peacock

Patti Garrett Hatch

I know you agreed to keep her at home but I cannot believe she would want this for you. How would you feel if you knew your wife had to take care of you in the same way? I think when we say those things in ignorant bliss of what caring for dementia actually looks like. Caregivers have a 40-60% higher mortality rate. So anyway, give yourself some grace and do consider a care home, and then be very present there.

Eileen K. Stewart

I understand you’re conflicted with the promise you made to each other. But it is a huge act of love to get her the care she needs.

We had to make this difficult decision for my mom, but after she settled in, I could go back to being her daughter and relinquish the responsibility of caretaking 24/7.

Maybe you can go back to being her husband, and visiting her often, and keeping your health in check. The level of caretaking that you’re doing now is going to burn you out, very soon.

**sometimes you have to put your oxygen mask on first in order to help those around you!

Vanessa Reeve

Sending you so much love and huge hugs

Diana Morrell

I feel your pain. We grieve for the person they used to be. Hugs

Loretta Udall

They've got heartland dvds on amazon if it being stopped on Netflix is going to cause any problems xx

Sue Lind Clark

My heart aches for you.

Wendy Waddell

It boggles me to see so many go through the exact same terrible process.

Darcy Miller

You could buy Heartland on a dvd package might be an option

Susan O'Brien Dupre

She made the same promise to you, and you would not wish for her to take care of you without support for such an extended time. I don’t understand those promises. I would want the opposite, come visit me and then go home and get a good night’s sleep to get ready for the hard days to come. It’s not a failure. Just a change in plans.

Mona Arseneau- Bak

There are really good care facilities out there. You would still be involved in her life. Think about it

Gail Goddard

Oh gosh, it must be very hard for you….thinking of you and your lovely wife x

Glenna Byrd

So sorry I’m going through same with my husband of 46 years he dosnt understand anything anymore it’s so sad he was a jack of all trades now it’s me doing it

sending hugs to you stay strong I know it’s not easy and I don’t do it all the time

Christie Dukes

Whilst your wife is watching tv, put out 3 outfit options across the bed with under garments and let her choose what to wear. I find adding accessories eg, necklace, earrings ect with each outfit helps with choices. This will allow her to feel included in decision making whilst you are still guiding her.

Not sure where you are located but PCA for showering may be a great help by a qualified support worker .

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Larry Seeley

Wow so sad, she looks really young to be going thru this. My wife’s 71 and still early stage. I also said I wouldn’t put her in a home unless she got so bad that I couldn’t handle her.

Carmen Elena Harris Zeda

Thank you so much for your post. Yes, caregiving is VERY painful and at many levels.

Heartland is also our favorite show because we don’t like violence and this is a great family story. The PRIME application has it and the application is $5.99 a month. I think it’s through Amazon.

May God bless you, give you wisdom and comfort.

Karen Barton Sain

Heartland is on another app now… Season 18 out!!! Up faith and Family! My husband watches two and half men two to three hours a day!!?

Mona Arseneau- Bak

Randy, there are two things i want to say to you.

When you and your wife made that promise to not put the other in a care facility, you did not know what it means to be be in your position now. I get that we vow in sickness and in health, but that does not mean you can’t have assistance in taking care of her. You would not dump her in a care place, you would be very involved in her life and care if she were there. But you would have help in caring for her.

The 2nd thing i want to say is i want you to imagine a conversation with your wife before she had dementia.. in that conversation she could see the person she was going to become with dementia. Wouldn’t she still want you to take care of her almost by yourself? Or would she say Honey, find a good care place for me and come see me often and spend time with me there?

Laura Coleman Laprocina

When she signed those papers she was in her right mind and could not predict THIS. I hope you do place her somewhere safe and comfortable where u can visit as a husband and not caregiver. I had this conversation with my mom. She always said Im staying home, etc. But recently I had a very candid conversation explaining worse case scenarios, and she said well if I get like any of that, I wont know any better so do it. I felt such relief in that moment that while she could still process what I was saying and have reason, she gave me "permission." I bet your wife would do the same. God Bless.

Christina Stengl

Hang in there, you're not alone in this struggle

My husband has Lewy Body Dementia and I have to do everything and I mean everything. He will shower and dress himself ( sometimes I give him suggestions on what to wear.) I encourage him to do some chores but after a couple minutes he says he has to sit down, so I have to finish the tasks.My children live far away so it's not convenient for them to give me a break. Our life is never going to be normal again. I despise this disease.

Tina Meyer

Prayers and hugs to you!! I know how hard it is!! She’s so young

Try Virgin River it’s a good one that might keep her attention. When hope calls is another good one.

You can get heartland on many different channels too. Angel network I think has it, I know up faith and family channel has it

Stacey Michelle

I’m so sorry for both of you. There’s no wrong choice here. You need to take care of you too. My dad is going through similar with my mum and I tell him he can’t keep putting mums care above his own.

Truth is, if something happens to you, then they will be far more vulnerable

Linda Bencini

Get help else u will lose it

Wendy Alexander

God Bless you

Also remember she is very scared and 1 million times more frustrated than you are. Please stick by her and love her! I found with my father. To just go along with anything, she says. The more you argue with her, the more frustrated she gets, and it could cause her to have a stroke. Seek outside help for mental breaks for yourself and hers.

Laura Cooke

Going through same with husband. Really difficult time.

Nova Bills Richards

Promises are great when you think there would be no problems, but as she progresses you will need help. You can always call hospice in! They are great in this situation. You can hire a babysitter to come in and give you break. Last, but not least, you may have to put her in a constant care home. I know it sounds terrible but what I learned with my dad, he actually liked it. Of course, he kept wanting to go home, but when he was at home, he didn’t know he there! I always said if I had to go to a home, I hope my mind doesn’t let me know I am there.

Pamela Houghten

My LO is happy to watch the Hallmark Channel everyday.

Vicki Marcucci

You need to take care of your health ! My best wish to you & your family.

Tim Crocker

Well know how you feel I too ask myself how much more can you take it is so lonely doesn’t converse in a discussion goes off on his own topics I wish you well and prayers

Pat Lackey

My wife has dementia but has not gone to the stage yourwife is at. I am taking of her. You are doing a great job stick with it.

Madge Hart

I had a patient who was obsessed with with that program for months then one day never looked at tv again but I never forgot as it was so boring the stories and acting were terrible lol

Nova Bills Richards

Heartland is on prime.

Joy Osborne Smith

It is one of the hardest things in life you will ever do, and only you can make that decision, call your family together get their input, and know that you're not alone in this journey, many people face similar challenges and there are resources available to help, don't be afraid to reach out

Nancy Gavin James

Sending prayers your way!! God bless you, I can relate!

Jo Klein

This truly is an extremely difficult journey - a very long exhausting journey. I wonder if it might be time for you to move her to a care facility. There are some not good ones but there are also super wonderful ones. Do your research ahead of time - she will eventually adjust and do fine and you need to also care for yourself. You can visit often - even daily but then go home and rest. You will be able to oversee her care and how she is doing. Prayers for you as you struggle with the right decision for you and your wife and the rest of your family. God bless you. You have done a remarkable job in caring for her in terrible circumstances.

Anonymous member 187

Heartland is probably available on DVD.

Bonnie Franklin Rodgers

God bless you Randy. My husband now eats very little also. Hes always been very slim, but now only weighs 120. Hes been sleeping a lot, but he did have a bad fall 3 weeks ago and is recovering from vertebrae and sternum fractures...improving slowly. We just celebrated our 57th! Never thought about this when we said our vows about in sickness and health. You are def not alone...these FB sites help me a lot. Take care of yourself...

Claire Logie

It is so hard, but sure after you made that pact she would have done the same for you…

As above get some time for yourself. There is an allowance you can claim which provides money for you to pay someone to sit with your wife whilst you go out for a while!!! You need your breaks!! Good luck, this must be the hardest job going!!! Xx

Anonymous member 149

Awwww going through it with my husband yes it is very hard work ur wife is a very pretty lady .all we can do is b strong but it is very very difficult

Jennifer Powell

Hang in there and try to take some time for you. Lean on those who are willing to help.

Sandra Robb

Stay strong we are all here to support you. In my prayers

Shatafuc Up

Just remember who you loved

you do it for her, and no selfish needs on going on an outing to refresh

Anonymous member 158

Sometimes the decision to keep our loved ones at home, is taken from us. You didn't foresee what would happen when you wrote your will. You've done a wonderful job n you will continue to. It just may have to be done in a care home. It doesn't mean you're not still caring for her. You can only do so much on your own. It's okay to get help and put your wife somewhere she can be safe. I wish you the best. Please be kind and gentle to yourself

Anonymous member 898

My husband was admitted to hospital in Feb, and they are waiting for a spot in the care home. We made the same commitment, but physically he isn’t safe at home, and his cognitive changes… although he wants to go home, the OT had a good recommendation… stay at the care home so you have help when needed, and if possible on good days, go spend the afternoon at home… we shall see how this works!

Anonymous member 731

I think you can access Heartland episodes online if it becomes an issue.

Julia Evans

Feeling so very sorry for you, you have done the most amazing job, you are an amazing Husband, but there does come a time when “it’s” time” ….your Darling Wife has a lifechanging disease ( and unfortunately it’s going to get worse) please don’t think you are giving up on her, but she now requires specialist care. We had to make that same heart wrenching decision for our Mum 12 months ago. It was not easy, we broke down and we still have a cry after we visit, but we have to work and live and be our best to be available for her in a healthy and balanced way, you can see her everyday , you can start to love her healthily instead of being angry and frustrated and exhausted all the time, the carers will come to love her too and you will go home after a visit knowing she is in good hands, May God bless you a thousand fold, may God give you the strength to make that decision, take care . (Speaking from Australia)

Kylie Patzel

Just googled a few show similar to heartland playing on Netflix hope it is of some help. All the best and take care of yourself too.

May be an image of 3 people and text that says "HEART If you enjoy Heart- land's focus on family, strong female leads, and a rural setting, consider watching Sweet Magno- lias, Virgin River, or When Calls the Heart on Netflix. These shows share similar themes of family drama, small-town small charm, and heartwarming storylines. Addi- tionally, shows like Gilmore Girls, Schitt's Creek, and Call the Mid- wife offer a different kind of heartwarming family dynamic and community focus."

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Tracey St Germain

You have to look after yourself and have no guilt. You have done a great job and your wife wouldn’t want you to be exhausted and make yourself sick. Please do what’s best for you and with no regrets.

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Wendy Shamsaee

Aw, I'm so sorry you are on this sad journey. Sending hugs and support to you and your wife. I am just embarking on this sad journey with my partner of 17 years. At the moment, things are pretty much normal as it's only word finding difficulties. It's comforting to know there are supportive people on this group.

Tonya Greer

Prayers for strength im reading this post and i am the daughter but promised my Father i would take care of her i am you be strong

April Murdy

CBC gem Google it.there lots old shows

Anne Cardwell Jones

If you can swing another monthly subscription all episodes of Heartland are on Up Faith and family. This might have been said already, just didn’t have time to look at all comments.

Donna Teague

I think Roku has Heartland

Kathleen Kathy Riordan

Randy, I work with clients with Alzheimer’s and other types of dementia. Thank you for taking such good care of your wife

Please take care of yourself too… if possible see if you can do a respite stay at an assisted living for a month or even a few weeks (generally a month minimum) it may end up being the best place for her but if not, you can have the chance to catch your breath and have time to regroup

The clothes….minimize what she has access to. Having a few of the same pants and tops and one pair of shoes out at a time can help but may also upset her if she can’t find her things.

It’s a balance…when eliminating your wife’s clothes…. Do it slowly as not to upset her.

Keeping your family in my thoughts…. You are doing an awesome job and you can also take care of yourself…

Marie Middleton

The journey is heartbreaking

but some how you have to have the inner strength to deal with what you have to each and every day, it is called the long goodbye

Gillian Molony

Oh my gosh that is really hard. So very sorry.

Carolyn Faust

My husband was in memory care and just passed.

It was an excellent place, even though he couldn’t talk, he was taken care of very well.

I drove a half hour every day, because I knew that he was were he was supposed to to be. And I had to be there too.

It also keeps everyone on their toes too.

Please let someone else, who is knowledgeable take care of her daily needs, and then you can come, bring her little gifts, pamper her, and be her one love again.

I’m sure you must be so exhausted.

When you wrote that will that you didn’t know that horrible road ahead!

What a fantastic guy you are , you are so loving to her.

Sand Shi Shi

Things change, just because you both said way back when you didn't see this coming that you wouldn't put each other in a care home, if you keep going this way you will end up , well you no where and then she will have to go to a care home, you can visit as often as you like and take a little care of yourself

Jane Pope

I just saw that Heartland will be on Direct TV I think on channel 1924. I’m so sorry about your situation. I went through this with my mother and I know how exhausting it is. Eventually she had to go to a nursing facility for medical reasons where she was very neglected. They couldn’t help her eat and wouldn’t treat the horrible bed sores she developed. Sometimes when I visited her the bedcovers had been removed but not replaced. There is a shortage of help in these facilities. I see now why she never wanted to be in one and I will carry that guilt with me the rest of my life. Perhaps you can find a caregiver to come to your house a couple of days a week to give you some respite.

Lisa Mathura

I pray god give you more strength and continuous blessings

. I am going through it with my mom its really hard

Gina Cuthbert

I've packed most of mum's clothing in suitcases and just leave a couple of 'outfits' that go together hanging in wardrobe. Same with underwear. Leaves her a choice but prevents her being overwhelmed by too many things. Mum only now eats sweet things, rice pudding, creamy greek yoghurt and honey, banana sandwiches, and chips(french fries type but thicker). You'll send yrself mad trying to reason with yr wife. Just try and remove stress points.

Mary Hansen

I'm so sorry to hear you're going through such a tough time. Prayers to you and your wife. My mom is going through it also. Sad .

Danielle Dean

Hang in there. My journey with my LO just ended so I get it. Look for respite centers in your area. She can go for a few days so that you can get a break and recharge.

Mariana Botha-Schoeman

Record Heartland! I understand her fascination with the show and thinks it is helpful to calm the mind. So much love against a stunning backdrop and horses.

Can you put her clothes away and only put out one or two option for her to pick from? I am not a fan of taking a person from their home and memories. Even though the mind is mostly gone, there are better days and the soul knows. Rather get a full time carer. You cannot do it alone. Look after yourself. Take care.

Maureen Hegarty Alikonis

Hi Randy, I know you love you wife and it shows 10 fold! Being a woman I would love my husband to help to a certain point!! I must say that point is now done for her and especially for you!! She needs care more that you could ever do! I know it totally sucks!! Give yourself permission to help her in a different way that professionals are caring for her! I know it’s not going to be easy! It’s best for BOTH of you! Best of luck to you

Judy Simpson

A care center is not giving up if you are there so often the entire staff knows your name and you theirs. That’s the most important part of making sure she gets the best care. Your time together is precious; no need to spoil it with frustrations someone else can help with. Do what you believe will keep you both healthiest.

Maureen Ollivierre-Walker

Hi Randy, I can honestly say I know how you feel, I have been going through the same for the past 5 years, and it’s a struggle, but we do it for the love we have for our spouse. I get tired at times, but I take it day by day. I have help from our daughter when he has Dr’s appointments, and when I need help. It would come a time when I can no longer care for him, but I will be at his side always. As we promised each other to be there in sickness and in health. This is terrible disease and I pray a cure can’t come soon. Hold in there.

Angela Walker

We have to Ride the Storm brother. And for your mental health you have to let that agreement go.Im sure your beautiful wife would do what she had to do if you reverse the situation. You should think about the care home or you will go down. My family are going through a similar situation and it's hard on everyone. I hope you have peace in whatever you decide. God Bless you and your family. XXXX

Sair Louise Savill

Heartland is fab it's up to 14 seris now I think .I'm a personal assistant I work with family's in the home for these very reasons .It's easier for us as we're not there 24 hrs a day and aren't the family .Once your find a pa that your wife gets on with or feels comfortable with it helps you then have some time for yourself .I worked with many people that would take quite a few weeks to allow someone to help but once they get to know us it's amazing and the family's can relax and rest .Hope you have domething like this where you are .

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Caroline Norris

Look for day care you need a break.

Pay for carer to help dress her.

I use to lay my dad clothes out so he was not chosing them for himself.

You need a break set yourself so where to go. I used to go swimming and get someone else to sit my dad so I have a regular break.

Go out when family visit explain to them you finding it hard you need support.

Vicki Gould

Find a dementia support group that has meet ups and go.

Make sure she has the correct antidepressants medication, she should let you help dress her. Have her clothes ready but hand them to her in order and help when needed but without fuss.

Make sure you get time away. Ask family if you can and a paid career if not.

Buy heartlands on DVD.

I personally know that it’s hard. So many of us are dealing with it the best we can. One day at a time. Somedays are harder than others.

Bless you

Beth Love

You might can purchase, Heartland series. It’s really bad when their routine is changed. No matter the chaos. Prayers.

Suzie Jones

You guys look such a beautiful couple. This disease is relentless and you are managing well, until you aren’t and then yes then you do have to make the best decisions you can, for both of you. And they maybe different from what you agreed to when you were both well.

Good luck and do what you need to do

Donna Nicol

I think you have to do what is right for you, in time you will see it is right for you both. I hear this a lot about ppl agreeing never to put their loved one in a care home how ever I think it is a very big ask. And a very unfair one. Some people are not aware how bad this illness can get and how much strain it can put on the care giver. I work in care and as much as I love it I get the chance to go home once my shift is finished. Living at home with a loved one 24hr a day 7 days a week will be soo tough, I couldn’t do it. Don’t feel guilty it will give you a new lease of life and make you want to go spend time with your wife but also knowing you can go home and have your own time to rest. Your wife will understand x

Doreen Burnett

Sending love to you take care of yourself hope you keep well xxx

Orla Helen

Wishing you the Best as you travel this journey. For 2 years My husband and I ( ages 73 and 78 yo) were Caregivers for his 93 yo Auntie in our home. Auntie is very frail, has fallen, has dementia and started wandering. I quit my PT job to accommodate the changes.

It nearly finished Me off . I have my own physical injuries from various accidents. I finally said

“I can’t do this anymore”. It took another 10 mths to get her into a Care Facility.

My husband respects and understands, however Auntie’s younger Sister does not (she is 89 yo). She figures if we had just got some part time help that would have worked.

I totally understand the pain and guilt of these decisions but we need to also remember Our Family Members that would all be affected by letting Ourselves “disappear”.

Gayle Herring

I think the first thing I can share is not to sweat the small stuff. This disease changes at every corner. 1. Food, he used to love eggs and fried chicken. He refuses it now. So it's off the menu. He goes through spells on what he will eat. At one time it was nothing but pizza. So he got pizza. Now it's cheeseburgers. I will make other foods but he refuses. Why make yourself crazy. He gets what he wants. He is happy and I am less stressed. 2. Clothing, my problem at one point was getting him Into clean clothes. Now he doesn't mind. I suggest cleaning out her draws and closet and have a minimal choice for her. She will not realize they are missing. My husband wanted his "real" pants. But he is tall and big and he is incontinent. I keep him in sweats pants. So much easier for me to change him . I just would tell him I ordered new pants because the others were to small. He was happy with that explanation. It took me a long time to adjust and accept that he lives in another world so sitting and trying to explain why the sweatpants only made me and him frustrated. Showers was a struggle. He would say he doesn't stink and does not need it. So it became a once a week or even two weeks. A quick spongebath inbetween. Dementia rules is there are no rules. I use to stress that other people would think I was not doing a good job. Unless you live with dementia you can't relate. I know I am doing a good job. He is safe. He is happy. Stay present. Thinking about how life was before, how life should be..to me is wasted energy. I live in the moment and use humor alot. It goes a long way. Is there a female in her life. She might respond to another female who would talk make up and let's take a shower and then talk fashion. What works for one person may not work for another. You have to learn to be creative. He has one show he loves. I have dish and recorded all of them. So I just start at beginning and he does not realize he is watching the same thing over and over. He is happy I'm happy. You do need to get away. My husband is safe for me to go 10 min. To grocery store,pharmacy, etc. Just removing myself for that short period gives me time to breathe and reset. Just remember every feeling you have felt, we all have felt it too. Your not alone in this journey. The only thing I know for certain is the problem of today will probably change in the future. Once you think you got it figured out they will change the rules. Whatever decision you make do not feel guilty. You are doing the best you can.

Nicole Allen

You are not alone. This journey is hard and different for everyone. I am glad I found this group it helps knowing I am not alone. Keep strong and finds ways to express/vent. This helps too.

Robert Sullivan

Peace Love Cool

Debra Jupe

My friend used to lay out the clothes for his wife to wear that day and put all the rest away safe and out of reach he had the same problem except the welfare people said a neighbour had reported him for his wife choosing what she wears, while he was a well respected vicar in the community he had the respect and support of many, but I remember how he struggled with dressing his 50 year old wife suitably

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Janie Burke

I’m going through the same with my husband… yes, it’s challenging when we need to go out to have him dress appropriately.

Barbara Cavitt Feliciano

You are a champ! I’m just starting w my husband and I don’t know how long I’ll be able to handle him. He’s very strong headed. And oCD

June Messer

Right there with you, hang in there

Kimberly Holder

Sounds like you are a wonderful husband and caretaker, but there is a time when you need extra help. We my family never thought we’d put my mom in a home , but it got out of hand and she needed total care. It’s a sad day when we placed her but the up side she is safe, clean, they encourage her with great meals, and like I said safe! My Dad has time for himself without his worry! He has done nothing but been her person for 60 years! He has been her caretaker when she got sick for 7 years and he struggled. My sister and I helped but it wasn’t enough. Do you research like we did. There are good places out there honestly . He stills feels guilty but he knows this is the best for her. He can visit her 24/7 also. It’s all out of love ! Good luck and don’t feel guilty

Jenny Brixton

My husband can dress himself but I put the clothes out the night before in the order that he has to put them on .No deciding in the morning , no choice they are there & he picks them up in that order & puts them on .I am there to help if needed, heels turned round in the socks .

Karen Gray Clark

Not much help but it’s something.

May be an image of 5 people and text that says "O2-UK 16:23 All 22% Short videos News Forums Vide Shows like Heartland on Netflix From sources across the web DEI Free Rein Anne with an E Severec Severed Ties Broken Heartland 17 more A programmes like hei"

Andrea Caron Chambers

Heartland is also on UpFaith. They have every season of it.

Joanne Sillick

Sounds like your doing a fantastic job,

Michael Robinson

If you are like most of us, when we write our wills and make decisions such as no nursing homes etc.we have no idea that these things will actually ever happen to us. I have made a few changes to our wills over the past few years as the need arises.

Suzy Norris

Randy, dear soul,,what a heart-wrenching job, caring for your dear wife. Thanks so much for sharing your honest heart with us. My heart and soul go out to you big time. I'm in the beginning stages of caring for my hubby, and can only imagine what is down the road for us. all my love and caring for you.

Isabel Baker

Hi Randy I feel for your frustration. I don’t know if this will help have you tried laying out the clothes for her in order underwear on top and being there when she dressing giving positive comments such as “you look great in that”. Try replacing heartland with favourite music from a number of years ago and sing along with her. At bath time warm the room,,spray her favourite perfume,play her favourite music suggest a foot massage after the bath, Suggest she needs the wash as your going out even if you are not(therapeutic lying). There are more tips like this in A to Z of Dementia Care it’s available on Amazon. Hope this helps.

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Teresa Johnson

I'm so sorry you are going through this. You can stream Heartland on Roku live TV. My mom is obsessed with Little House on the Prairie.

Jenny Hofmann

There are ways that you can get paid to be her caregiver and there are many caregivers that may be covered in your insurance. Home Instead or something similar. There may be dvds of heartland available at the library or other streaming services.

Linda Shahan

You can buy the complete series of Heartland on DVD online. More than likely Walmart will be cheaper than Amazon.

Carol Mary Elizabeth Pearce

I know

Marianne Barnes

Pm'd you.

Rosemarie Cazzorla

When I saw what it took to take care of my dad to keep him in home hospice I purchased a hybrid extended care policy for myself. Both my husband and son do not have that in them. I have to commend you for everything you have done for your wife to keep her home. If the time comes that you can’t do it anymore. You should have no regrets.

Grace Robertson

Hi why don’t you hire Home Instead thay are a 1st class care company who can support you through this journey xx

Carol Kelly

No one, absolutely no one can have any idea how stressful and truly horrible it is to have a loved one suffer from this brutal disease unless they’re part of it. Look at it like it’s a death, which it truly is….only a long drawn out journey into hell. If you and she knew, when you were making your will, what was to come I’m sure you’d neither of you make that promise. My hubby has now been in a care home for a year, he’s well looked after, I visit, I have a life

Frances Townsend

Good evening Randy you’re not alone and you have done a great job! You need to get a provider a few hours a day. It’s okay to take time for yourself. Please educate yourself on how and why your wife is doing these things. Learn how to response to difficult circumstances. YouTube has numerous videos. Remember this when times get hard.

“The dementia patient is not giving you a hard time.

The dementia patient is having a hard time.”

Barbara Cauchi-Tonepohl

Your doing amazing! I too am caring for my husband who has Parkinsons and the onset of dementia. We have been married 58yrs love him too bits. I understand what you’re going through, at the moment. He’s not too bad with dementia, starting to forget and names of the family, the Parkinson’s is worst, his walking is soo bad! At times I’m exhausted but we have to carry on. My prayers go out to you

Rhonda Harris Maher

Everyone has a limit and there is no shame in a home.

Carol Whetstone

Sending prayers.

You have to do what’s right for you and your wife. Caregivers need to do a lot and we must take care of ourselves first and foremost. Blessings.

Christina Geraci

Heartland is streaming on Angel studios.

Sharon Whorton

My aunt hired someone to spend the night so she could sleep. She would care for my uncle during the day. Additionally, she would hire someone so she could go to Bible study or to lunch with a friend. I think her plan showed a lot of wisdom.

Katie Good

My mom has improved with the clothes thing. But when she was like that with clothes, I literally took everything out of the closet besides 1 pair of shoes and some clothes that could be mix and matched and stilll looked normal so that she still felt like she was picking out her own things.

Heartland will be on other streaming services, however I know it’s hard to switch streaming services. I overpay for cable just to keep the same remote because I know my mom can’t learn a new remote.

I used to be radically against nursing homes. I still won’t put my mom in one but I’ve been very clear to my family to put me in one. I don’t wish to put anyone in my family through this at all.

Amy Wombolt

Zinnia Tv is am amazing resource for PLWD. Prayers for grace.

Lucky Eleanor Quiba

So many of us are carrying the same kind of weight and asking ourselves the same questions. I found this video about caregiver burnout a while back, and it helped me feel seen. Thought you might relate too. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CUeXi2Gglz8&t=9s

Lori Bahr Borchert

I've told my husband and my kids not to feel guilty if I have to go to a care facility someday. After experiencing this disease with my grandmother, mother, uncle and now sister, I would not want them to be obligated or put the burden on them to take care of me. I say this now, because I fear that this runs in our family. It was a hard thing to do with my mother and extremely harder with my sister (closer to my age) but it was the best for them safety wise and best for our mental and physical health. If you don't take care of yourself, the results will ultimately be the same anyway. Hugs and encouragement your way.

Casey Lauren

She’s beautiful, and I admire you for all that you’re doing. Have you thought of hiring someone (cna/caregiver) to come in and help at home? That would give you support and give you the opportunity to get out of the house for a bit? Not sure if that’s an option but even a couple of days a week for you to have a break could make a huge difference.

Kelli Eberhart Ugarte

Taking care of her alone will probably kill you or take years off of your life depending on how old you are. It’s the highest form of stress. I don’t see how any one person can do it. We are years into it as well so I know exactly what you’re going through. When you made those promises not to use care facilities, you had no perspective of what this could be like. She wouldn’t want you to kill yourself like this. Sometime devotion to our loved ones is getting them more care than what we as one person can do

Sue Paterson

I’ve been career for over 8 yrs easier in the early days but where at the stage I have to lay his clothes out night before & dress him he carnt do it at all , but wonder if you can hide what she layers up with & only leave a few clothes in your room

Traci Hanks

So sorry to hear this. We just started this journey in January. My heart breaks for so many.

Regarding Heartland, Up Faith and Family has all of the seasons/episodes including the new season.

MaryShaw Wuellner

This journey is the hardest anyone can go through. My husband has had 11 surgeries in the past 5 years and each time he goes under , he comes out much worse. He now 2 bad ulcers, one on his heel and the other on his other ankle. We have to get those cleared up before anything else can be done. He’s diabetic which is hard. He is at risk of losing both feet

Susan Moon

Unfortunately this is an incredibly cruel disease, taking aldults to absolute infants. Caring for someone with physical defects is difficult enough, when they no longer can comprehend anything it is beyond heartbreaking. Do yourself and your wife the gift of a good care home. Several folks to do what you do everyday makes more sense. You can still visit, she will be cared for, clean, fed ( they have lots of tricks to get the patients to eat) and she will be in a better place. Some folks with dementia escape their houses and get lost, or even hurt. They wont let her leave a facility.When I worked at a facility we were all very kind to our patients. Also when you folks made that commitment you had no idea what would happen to her. I took care of my dear mother for almost 5 years while she battled a huge brain tumor and lung cancer and lost at only 52 years old. I was absolutely crushed when she died as she had been my reason for living for so long. I felt guilty I had not saved her, but so relieved her journey was over. We had to place her in the facility I had worked in as I knew they would care for her. Some of these dear folks get quite physical, bitting, pinching, spitting, etc. One person can't do this . Please take care of yourself and you can still visit her. My best to you folks.

Kristi Ray Moore

Bless you. I am taking care of my husband, diagnosed at 59. Now 64. He’s in the early stages but it is heartbreaking. From what I’ve learned full time help and care facilities are outrageously expensive. No idea how we will manage.

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Connie S Soles

Let her wear what she wants...

Seems ordinary to her.

I think you can find heartland on other apps.

Try to find it.

It's her safe place.

It feels like home to her.

My husband says that about all the old stuff that he watches.

If you feel you need to place her, do it.

Don't let others decide for you.

And you're totally forgiven by her, if its best for her.

Suzen Crooks-Jones

Talk to the doctor about her fighting with you. Their medication’s that they can give them that can diminish that.

Sandra Marais

It's so sad also have a family member in a care center but it's the best place for them as they are very well looked after by carers that are specially trained to care for them

Rosie Riley

She’s beautiful, lovely couple. Sorry your on this heavy journey with her, glad you found the group. You do what you can and it’s true you’re doing it. Give yourself a lot of credit. It’s nice to hear you get some help but I’m sure you feel like you need to be the one doing it. Take the help when you can, it will help you mentally, emotionally and physically, I’m sure you already know that. And when the time comes, your heart and mind will know it’s time for her to be in a safe place. Her needs will be met and you can have time to deal with much. For the both of you and your safety. This disease is hard to describe and for everyone it’s different. There might be similarities but so different in so many levels. Know you’re doing all you can.

Helen Fanshawe

My husband goes to a day centre two days a week 9 til 4 p.m. this gives me a break to catch up with friends. I could not manage without it.

Nancy Perez Caceres

Your dedication to your wife is truly admirable, and I’m so sorry you’re at a point where you feel exhausted, I know from experience it takes a great deal of patience and it can literally suck the life out of you, but you have to take care of yourself, so by all means if it requires you to put her in a daycare to give yourself a break you shouldn’t feel guilty. Remember, taking care of yourself is crucial to being able to care for her

Kristen Smith Catalano

Randy Hansen I know you guys have had that conversation regarding care facilities, but at some point, it may just be more than you can handle.

My Dad used to tell me I could never put him in a home, and ai honestly never thought I would, until ai had to. My dad was young when symptoms started (65) and he’s been in memory care for the past 3 years. Not only am I a daughter, but a nurse and I just knew I couldnt do it. I am a better daughter to him with him in the home. I can focus on “enjoying” him where he is at and be his loving daughter, rather than a frustrated and resentful caregiver. I just knew I couldn’t be my best self as his full time caregiver . She doesn’t know any better and I am sure she wouldn’t want you to suffer at her expense. Sending big hugs… it’s so hard.

Mary C Barce

I made husband only two promises,

1 - I would always love him, and

2 - I would always keep him safe

When/if the time comes to place him outside of my care, I will do it, knowing it is because I love him.

Bless your journey

Joanne P B Macpherson

Use another app like neon or tubi. ( tubi is free. Heartland might be there) Maybe getting some cares that come twice a day will take some pressure off.

Eileen Zackeo

Hi fellow caregiver.

Simply put, you cannot take care of your wife if you are not taking care of yourself.

Being a caregiver for a spouse with dementia is an extra layer of difficult bc you are literally losing your best friend who rebuffs your best desire & effort to take care of her.

It is easy to loose yourself, but you still have a life to live.

Putting her in a facility does not mean you are abandoning her.

It means you are compromising so she can get the care she needs so you can take a breath & care for yourself as well.

You are worthy of self-care.

You are worthy to live life with mental & emotional stability.

Your wife would want that FOR you & with her in care, you would be better able to show up as her husband.

Just make sure you do your research on facilities & be sure commit to unexpected pop-ins. That keeps staff on their toes.

Sending love, hugs, prayers & support

Jill Sherstobitoff

I am so sad to hear this. I feel I am going down the same path as your beautiful wife but my husband doesn’t see it yet.

Devon Ann Conover

You may be able to find Heartland on other cable channels. I love it too!

Katie Warner Waller

It’s just very hard… and gets harder.

My husband watches “Reba” on Netflix… is on the third time through the series. It keeps him laughing.

All the best to you.

Mark Bressler

Heartland is on either Paramount+ or Prime. I can’t remember which one for sure.

Jackie Casper Agostini

I was a licensed Psychologist and a family therapist for 22 years and never once was I referred a family dealing with dementia. Now that taken a five year journey with my spouse I see this as a family illness since it impacts the entire family. Doctors need to take this view and refer for help accordingly.

Tom Pate

I think Heartland is available on Prime also!

Pamela McDaniel Wardlaw

At this point you need to do what is best for you!

Know you took great care of her as long as you possibly could.

I read the first two weeks in a facility will be the roughest to get through and some facilities will actually ask you to not visit for that transition period to make it easier for them to get in a routine.

It will probably be the best for both of you.

You are not abandoning her at all in having to make this extremely tough decision for both of you to move forward as this horrible disease progresses.

Renee Cauchi Bowman

I guess at some time, we have to put our loved ones in a home. If you have to place her in a home, it does not mean you do not love her. Sometimes we make promises that we can't keep. Good luck.

Suzanne Levy

Try to get her into a group day program

Ryan Gittos

Mate, for your own sanity, there's some really nice respite places around, was always hard get my wife to go the couple of times she did, but once there she loved it.

One i used was " Candle bark cottage in Goulburn nsw ", there maybe some similar near you.

That way your keeping your promise

But

For my wife eventually if became unsafe for her to be anywhere but in care, there may come a time unfortunately

Claire Bonnafe

Oh what a beautiful lady.and couple.

Jay Jeffers

Maybe lay her clothes out? Once they see what out she might wear them?

Jan Goggins-Crabtree

My mum used to do the same. She would be brought here with 5 pairs of pants on and smelling of wee. I used to shower with her.

Don’t argue with her she doesn’t know. Try to coax her to change etc but if they say it’s Wednesday on a Friday it’s Wednesday. If they think a cup of juice is a Guinness it’s a Guinness . Our mind is a book shelve all nice and organised, books in a row. Their mind the shelf has started to bow and the books are falling into each other and you part of one book and part of a second book together and they don’t know.

Tell all your friends, neighbours etc that your wife has dementia and some days she will come out dressed oddly but it’s her . After all this it’s still her your wife.

Aaron Johnson

Randy I would love to chat with you and encourage you … I just lost my wife of nearly 44 years to the same sick disease and all the behaviors you mentioned I experienced as well

Feel free to DM me… I can walk alongside you in this … maybe share some tips as well from things I learned (and failed at many times)

Kathy Quertermous

Somethings wrong, why is there so much dementia/alziemers? Statins? Other prescriptions? Environmental?

LeAnne Canton

Goodness, this is so sad. But I’m here to say, as a wife, if I ended up like that I wouldn’t want my husband to have to live like that. Maybe when the two of you made that promise she could not foresee what her life or your life would look like five years later. You are allowed to live and have a life. I think you should consider putting her in a care center. Blessings to you! I know she wouldn’t want this for you.

Sharon Baptiste-Mason

Been there and done that and it’s beyond excruciating . I’m sorry you are dealing with this if your children are

Close and niece can they do once a week each for 3-4 hrs each to give you a break .

I didn’t have any of that and I had to dig so much into Mum‘s savings and my own in order to get a companion support not someone that was a nurse care take care but just so I could switch off and it’s really hard to wanna let that go, but you must But if you have a beautiful Caregiving! facility that’s nearby that you could visit daily or every other day and it’s within your budget, I would never judge anyone that makes that choice.

Towards the end trying to get Mum to take a bath or wash yourself with Now and then possible so I would buy all these large wipes that you can buy and just give her a body bath and luckily I should say it’s not so much for you but my mother had Dentures but half the time then I would have to make sure I put them away because she would hide them in the bed or under the bed and that then we spent hours sometimes days trying to find them and then that means she couldn’t eat food because the dentists were hidden so it’s very very stressful people having no idea but given our loved ones that independence and self-respect is it’s a balance And so I will just pray for you on this journey but as much support as you can get support support support so you can take a break otherwise as my doctor once said you’ll be in the ground quicker than she will and I was like whoa you know put on £20 here is never recovered. It’s so thin Gray all of that good stuff, but you have to make yourself a priority And I will pray for you to find some balance.S you’re doing an amazing job and that’s a selfless and thankless task. God bless you.

Jane Ritchie

I think Heartland is on CBC .

Karen Robinson

Big hugs to you because its horrible to look after someone you love. The thing is I bet neither of you had experience with Dementia when you made the pact that you'd care for each other and care homes were out of the question???

Things have changed and your life is on the line now too. I now suffer from migraines from the stress, my health has deteriated. I no longer sleep. Keep in mind you have to stay healthy because once it's on the decline Who looks after you. Don't feel guilty if you can't cope, it's hard

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Carol Brady

She is lucky to have you. You deserve the best

Trisha Prater

Sometimes we promise each other things that's not to be broken , But until we go though something we have no experience we can do harm to us mentally the over stressful things we have to do , , Sometimes going against I promise is the only way to help ourselves , We are no good to them if we struggling with our own mentally issues for caring for a loved one , I no what you going going through , and things will keep getting worst till the end , There are times I will say I can't do this along anymore ,but I keep on cause I have to much passion to send him in a caring facility , just can't I am not strong when it comes to that and I wish I were ,

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Heather Corkan

Better or worse

Liz Madden Murray

Let her watch her favourite shows . My hubby does the same but all on Foxtel repeats after repeats . But I just do something else , or sit and read .

Marilyn Stevens

I swore to my parents I would never put them in a nursing home, and I had to break that promise for both. With my dad, it was worse because he had asbestosis which completely incapacitated him physically, but his mind stayed sharp. He was there for four months. After he died, I took care of my mom with Alzheimer’s for nine years until her constant seizures were uncontrollable. She died after five months. Both times I felt guilty until I realized it was the best decision for them and for my mental health. (You can find my book on Amazon if you’d like).

My heart really breaks for you. But there comes a time when you realize the promises you made to each other in health may need to be adjusted for her safety and your sanity. It takes nothing away from your love and caring. I hope you come to a decision you can be comfortable with. Sending hugs from a spouse whose husband has just been diagnosed, so I see my future in many of these comments.

Linda Brown

Marie Mcgovern

Carol Mary Elizabeth Pearce

Home Instead is available all over the country

Connie Evans

Go to IMDb. I have the free app, but you can probably go to their website. Search Heartland and it will show you many places it is still streaming. Some of them are free.

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2025년 8월 1일 금요일

Randy Hansen Dementia Care

Heartland on CBC

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